Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
