Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
