Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
