M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
