they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
