Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
