So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
