Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
