the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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