your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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