Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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