my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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