Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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