I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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