I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
