I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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