thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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