Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
