i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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