I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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