so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
