If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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