I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
