i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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