we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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