I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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