He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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