did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
