If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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