I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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