he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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