you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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