ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I know her cup size but not her name....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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