I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
