I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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