Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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