just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
