You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
