just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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