Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
