The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
