What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This baby is an asshole
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
