He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
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Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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