So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
