walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish you could order shots online.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
