Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize