I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
