The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
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Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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