I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
