Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
