somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
