I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
