Soap is not a condiment
it's like iHOP with fire
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
