Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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