your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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