I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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