If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
