I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
