look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
