i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
