piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
