Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
