I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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