but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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