Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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