You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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