did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
one two three fourrrrnication!
I faked an abortion last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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