Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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