How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
