dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know her cup size but not her name....
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