I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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