Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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