I wannas sexs uuuuu
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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