i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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