What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
