textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
